woostering: (richard)
One of the things about going to a college that operates on trimesters, thus giving me the entire month of December off, is that I have a lot of time for reading lots of blog posts about asexuality and pretending I'm doing important things like not sitting around or cleaning my room. Thinking about these things and these words and these conversations, about what does and doesn't make sense for me, and mingsy own relationships (which I say like they're a thing). Finally I felt I wanted to complie some things for myself here.

I have to open with this, because it's awesome and I really like it.
And it (and a lot of the other links I've come across so far with the question of "WHAT ARE ANY OF THESE THINGS?!") really raises an important point, and how it's really hard to describe things you don't experience, or maybe experience but at least you know whatever you do or do not experience doesn't seem to match up with the way other people talk about theirs. And then for those people who do, it's really hard to talk about it in a way other than the language that already exists an references itself. I like thinking of these things in terms of language issues. I've seen people talk about some of it in terms of colors. If someone is colorblind, how do you convey the concept of a particular color? And so, as a side effect, it's interesting to read about romantic asexuals tackling romantic orientation and attraction, because in much the same way sexual people have trouble both seperating romantic and sexual attraction and describing what exactly it is to aces, the same problem occurs between romantic and aromantic aces about what the hell romantic attraction is. And aside from the frustration inherent in not being able to pin down much of this, it's a really cool thing to think about. (I need to stop using really so much)

There were a number that I'm not going to try to find now, but this is one, about the established pattern of relationships, how they seem to work or seem to be supposed to work, what many people attempt to follow. And I've been thinking about my own, being demi and highly romantic (as far as I can tell, toward guys). There was another questioning post on tumblr more recently about not being quite sure what demi meant, really, when compared to other sexualities, and I feel the nede to word vomit a bit to get my own thoughts out about how it works for me.
Read more... )


Oct. 29th, 2010 11:09 pm
woostering: (kiku)

I really do have the best of luck. Really. /sarcasm

So. In an attempt to branch out, and maybe be not completely out of shape, I decided to try something: fencing. Now, admitedly, I had two reasons to join fencing. One is that you get to stab people, which is always awesome, the second is that people I know who do it really like it (okay, so it is a the guy I like... but why should I let that stop me from doing cool things? Shush). This turned out to be a good thing because I actually really like it. I'm doing something that requires physical exertion wihch for me is pretty good for a change, and the other people on the team are awesome and for the most part nerdy as well. I have so much fun, and it actually makes me sad if I can't make a practice.

However, it also turned out to be a bad thing, because at practice four weeks ago, well... no one knows how, but I managed to dislocate my kneecap. Wtf. I mean, I have some idea of what happened. I was lunging, my ankle rolled and my upper leg was going straight down while my lower leg (this is my back leg, btw) was going sideways. I think to correct this my quad muscle spasmed (which is what the trainer said is often what causes the kneecap to be dislocted). What really confuses me is that I managed to fall on my right side (so the other side) facing the other direction. Which means mid-fall I managed to twist my body around completely. Anyway. I managed to probably scare and impress everyone, partly because despite the initial pain I wasn't crying (just swearing a ton, apparently. Mostly saying fuck). But thankfully we practice IN the athlectic building, so the trainer was right there. We got my leg straightened out and I limped home. I must say, everyone on the team was really nice to me and put up with my semi-delerious rambling and were practically jumping to help me stand up and hold my hand and stuff. This solidified my instinct that these people are made of awesome.

Now, I looked up some things about dislocated kneecaps. It is most common in teenagers (check), women (check), and people who are out of shape/overweight (also check), and you can also be genetically predisposed to it (again, check, thanks mom). So I shouldn't be surprised, really. Recovery is, on average, 6-8 weeks. It's not the sort of injury that can just get better. It takes a lot of time. The most annoying thing is stairs, because I have to take them one at a time, which is really slow and makes me feel obnoxious. I'm SO ready to walk up stairs normally and be able to run. Never have I thought I might say that. But you bend your knee doing and awful lot of things, and while you can certainly manage without, there's a lot you have to remember you CAN'T do. I'm almost at the point of being able to do stairs. My knee isn't quite strong enough yet. Ugh.

Despite this, I'm still going to fencing. I'm not actually fencing, of course (that right now is impossible, not to mention stupid), but I'm watching and learning and sometimes they make me judge. Judging is HARD. It requires as much if not more concentration as actually bouting. I just can't stop going, though. They're so fun :D And as one said, this freak injury will might make me the best judge EVER. Plus, now people can just call me Gimpy instead of Rebecca.

In other news, I went on a trip to the Art Institute in sweet home Chicago Tuesday. It was lots of fun even though I had to get up at seven in the morning and we got back around 11 at night. I think I may have actually walked through the entire second floor (which is where most of the famous paintings are).
In other other news, I made a pretty backgroud for Halloween for my laptop with Jeremy Brett when he played Dracula. I like real vampires.

Oh, college XD
woostering: (Hatter O_O)

So. My emotions have been running rather haywire lately. A few days ago I went to a friend's house, to FINALLY drop off some thin mints he'd ordered MONTHS ago. Well, anyway. I finally got the nerve to say, 'hey, I have cookies for you. When can I drop them off. Sometime this week, preferably.' And it did require getting up some nerve, because I've liked the poor guy for, oh, nearly two years now. Being me, the withdrawn, socially awkward self, I never knew how to approach this and never said a word. After all, he's one of those insanely awesome people who everybody loves, and we were kinda friends, so I wasn't about to point out I liked him. And, when I realized I did, he had a girlfriend.

Anyway, now we cut to this summer. I had spent many nights of my senior year thinking about him and sorting out my feelings and berating myself for not knowing what to do. Or something like that. But thinking. My friend Hayley was here for a while. At the beginning of summer I had gone to Yellowstone. I found my glass pen and wanted to figure out how to use it. I got the brilliant idea to write a letter. Because, you see, after all this thinking I realized (rather early on, actually) that I valued his friendship immensely, and I wanted that as much as anything else. But, seeing as college was fast approaching, I figured I could tell him I liked him. I had hardly talked to him over senior year, as he's a year older than me and he was busy with college (pre-med, dontcha know. /bragging). I thought, I'd give him the cookies, leave some letter in there and then I could leave that behind and look to college. If he wanted to talk to me he could. If he wanted to ignore me he could do that too, because, hello, college. If that's not a distraction then I don't know what is.

After some more thinking (i'm cutting out all the thinking. I can't remember what i though when anyway), I wrote out the letter. Damn thing was a full two pages long. I told him I liked him, but also that I really wanted to be friends. After all, with college, being anything more than friends is tempting fate and kind of silly. Okay, I didn't SAY that, but it was hopefully implied. But... I'm beginning to think I may not have implied it well enough. I'm freaking out right now that I completely screwed this up.

I was just going to drop off the cookies, fairly quick, nothing special. I was there for, like, an hour. We had tea. Good tea. I found out figured out how interested he is in astrology. His mom came in at some point and we all talked for a while, all nice and perfect. Once I relaxed a bit, I realized I was possibly the most comfortable there in a house I'd never been in before I'd ever been around other people. I wasn't worried about saying something stupid like I normally am around him. No, I wasn't providing scintillating conversation, but I was talking. And I left that damned letter.

I've realized that I don't care how much I like him. I don't care whether or not he likes me. I want to be friends with him. I could care less whether he likes me as more than a friend. We think in similar ways. What more could I ask for? I then realized that maybe I just wanted someone who I knew would understand me, someone I could call up and just talk to for a bit. And I think I might have scared him off. Or something. I don't know. I haven't talked to him since. But he gave me a hug when I got there, and he gave me one as I left, and it was the most comforting thing in the world. I just want a hug, dammit XD. Oh. I just want to be able to keep getting hugs from him, y'know? Alright, I shouldn't say 'y'know', but... Ah. Nevermind.

I fear I might have been a bit... not forceful, but overdramatic in that stupid letter. Not calm and, oh-by-the-way-I-like-you-can't-help-it-you're-fucking-amazing, but more -oh-I'm-pining-for-you-and-will-always-be. She-ite. And I thought about taking the letter out, too. But I thought to myself, no, I'm gonna leave it in. I bothered to write it out, and all fancy, and dammit I'm gonna tell him. I won't have to see him again. I'll be fine.

Oh, no, I'm not fine, Rebecca you genius. You fool. You think too much and worry too much and YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IF HE READ IT WHY ARE YOU FREAKING OUT. Ahahahaha god. I have no social skills. I am HOPELESS LOL. I'm swearing an awful lot in my head. I may have ruined a perfect friendship. I may have done nothing. I just may have screwed up a really awesome friendship because I selfishly needed to expose feelings no longer relevant. I NEED T GET A GRIP, yeah? Yeah.

Oh, college in... three days? Leaving friday because move-in is saturday and Galesburg is too far to drive to that morning. I have until we leave friday evening to finish my gold project. Gorram. Or something. Trolling Tumblr for Jeremy Brett instead of sleeping. Because I feel alright then. I cannot express how much I'm in love with this man. Well, how much I love looking at him and listening to him and watching what he's done, because he's done it beautifully.

AHAHA and what happens after i post this? He asks for my college adress so he can write back :D Oh, why do I worry about these things? Silly Rebecca is silly.

Busy much?

Feb. 24th, 2009 04:51 pm
woostering: (richardpuppet)
So yeah. Friday was the last basketball game for band. Saturday was the State of the Art competition. Had to get up at quarter to five to drive in because we were in Wheeling for Capricon. But we got second place, and best woodwinds (how, I don't know, I only played about half of Americans We). Bus ride home was fun. God, Brett is hilarious.

And, of course, Capricon was fun. Would have been more fun if I was actually there for the whole thing, but it was still nice to go away a bit. Even if I had to come back. I got hot chocolate though. :)

Now this weekend, we're celebrating my uncle's and two of my cousins' birthdays, which my grandma has gone all CRAZY planning. It worries me sometimes. And I have a fairly large paper due monday... so that sucks. Blast the universe and it's sense of timing.

Tonight I have to help with cookie pickup and stuff. That's it, I think. *sighs* I am NOT looking forward to writing that paper for US history. Granted, it's on Louis Armstrong, so it is sorta interesting. But I like having a weekend to do that sort of thing because I can sit down and do it. Now I won't have one.


Feb. 14th, 2009 08:15 pm
woostering: (kiku)

So called because I will be saying lots of random-ass stuff.

First: Thursday was wierd as hell. Some genius wrote a threat in a guys bathroom at school, so we had to get metal-detectedand searched and stuff before going in the building. It was cold outside. So my friend, who my dad drive to school with me, and I and the two guys behind us had an intersting conversation about how causing harm to the school or the people in it doesn't require bringing a metal object into the building. We have a chem lab and a foods room. Gas, anyone? So yeah. We talked about all the ways we could carry out a threat without a gun or a bomb.
We couldn't go to the other building for band, so we sat in the foyer andsorta watched a movie. Mr. S wasn't too happy, because we've got a competition in a week. Then, in math (fourth period) it randomly got sunny. Only that period. Nobody wanted to concentrate at all.


I had a dream... that was freaky )

So. It's a four day weekend and it's been much better than that. I even played some Morrowind today, which I haven't touched since school started. i even made a v-day desktop for my house computer- a screenshot is on DA. Caught up on Lost (ZOmg) and stuff.
Yup. That be all.

woostering: (make believe)

I've been sorta 'meh' lately. I've been off. I think I'm starting to feel better now.

But in other news: I made my first college visit monday.  Went to visit Knox, which is a somewhat small college in the definitely small town of Galesburg. But I liked it. It was cool, and the two words I would use to describe it are 'open' and 'dynamic'.  Dynamic because they are very open to change and encourage it. There's energy there.  Open because, well... people are open. Rooms are open. Teachers are open.
   And I got to sit in the same chair as Abraham Lincoln- before he was president. That was cool. Lots of history there.
I like the feel of thte place. Of course, it's a private college and expensive... but they also give away lots of money.  Things to think about.  Now I need some other choices. But I think Knox is definitely one of them.

And today we had a really short schedule so we could watch the inauguration. Which was sorta long, but hey. He made a good speech. And the guy at the end was funny.
woostering: (goldy)

Seriously. Labor Day is every other day of the week, because school is labor. So is band, because -oh, yay- marching band. I'm sarcastic there... yesterday we had our first game, and the whole week I had to stay until 5 or so to practice for it. Bloody symphonic band, making me earn honors credit... Alright, it's not unbearable. But it aint easy, either. Still, playing Batman music and all of Mr. S's sense of humor makes up for it. Mostly. So my first week of school was sorta shot, as was saturday. And today I had to write an essay for US history. What drove me to take ap, I'm not sure. I spit out this essay in what, six hours, counting breaks and distractions and eating? So it's pretty crappy. I'm not in essay-writing-school mode yet.

Of course, there's tomorrow. But, that is the last day of the Bristol Renfaire, so I'm sorta busy. Now I just have to figure out how to finish my secind summer-reading book for teusday, and all will be good. Right.

My back is stiff from marching. I went to lie down on my side, and my whole back spasmed. Well, alright, mostly upper back, the muscles directly connected to my shoulders.

Bit about books and stuff )

So, after me being long-winded, here is something more amusing, and random:

woostering: (field)

So. Today is Earth Day. Happy Earth Day.  This week is also drug/alcohal awarness week at school. The presentations are EXTREMELY boring, but hey, classes are shorter all week.  I know it's important and all, that people are aware of how dangerous (and stupid) it is... and all too often it's those who  least expect it who get hurt and whatnot. But I had a headache today, so I really wasn't in the mood to listen to a mother whose son died and a guy who killed other people. The guy did have a funny story though.

I'm not entirely sure why I got a headache, so I'm blaming it on band :). We're playing a piece that's about nine minutes long for a concert and it's... damn hard. I think I am slowly losing all feeling in my mouth from playing it. It sound's pretty cool, but I can't breathe. My eyes are tearing from the effort.  So I say that's what gave me a headache. I'm fine now.

Otherwise... Saturday is that start of Robin Hood S2 on BBCA, even though I've seen the whole season already (coughyoutubecough). The internet has its perks. And the second episode of Doctor Who. And then Wednesday I have a field trip for chemistry. God, I hate that class. Too much math and crud. Ah, well. School's almost over, sorta. Through May. Yikes, that's not too far away.  Almost halfway done with highschool. Didn't I just get there?

Err... that's all. I thinks.
Oh, right, I have to start doing research on my Great Gatsby paper. Grrrr....

woostering: (life is good)
 Well. Friday was an incredibly good day. It was one of those days where you wake up and just have that light, happy feeling, which proves to forshadow the entire day. Even when I stayed up to finish my english essay on the Scarlet Letter, because my teacher gave us an extension. So it was done already and I didn't have to worry about it... And Thursday I had a field trip. So, I've been in a good mood.

But yesterday, I finally went out and got myself (technically my dad got it but I can pay him back, so it's MINE)... *drumroll please*
A TABLET! And dang, is it niiice. Even though it's a cheap one, it's niiiiice. Wacom, I luffs you.  Just so you know.
woostering: (field)
 So. Things are much better now. My friend is back to practically normal (well... you know, like... nevermind). Thursday was a half day for report cards, and friday was off. My grades were... mostly alright. Actually, they were fine except for speech and chemistry. God, I hate chemistry. It's just... ick. But both should be improved by the end of the year, so I'm not real worried at this point.

Friday I spent getting attacked by two little kids. Yes, kids are cute and all, but not so much when they try to jump on you. Eh, it was fun anyway. Then today I went to the St. Pat's parade downtown. I think it is impossible for the wheather to be nice for the parade. Yesterday it was over fifty, and today it was below forty. Chicago has the most annoting weather sometimes. Ah, well.

And then I only have two days of school next week because we start spring break. So schoolwise, this is something like the best month ever. Oh... Wednesday was a band concert, which went surprisingly well. I can, however, say that I never want to see the music for Jersey Boys again. Pirates maybe, because that was fun and I liked it. And the peice we played for the State of the Art contest (and, surprisingly, got first place) was better Wednesday than it was then. I could play that one again. Mr. S was sooo tired the next day... man that class was fun.

Other that that, nothing much going on... thinking of writing a bit of story though...
woostering: (goldy)

 Hmmm.... It's freezing outside. You know it's cold when the inside of your nose starts freezing.

I spent most of yesterday bowling. I'm not that good. When I get a strike though, I get it good.  Ah, well, it was fun anyway. Celebrated my aunt's 50th birthday.
And I utterly FAIL at speech. Seriously. But I'm better now, I'm actually doing my work. Doing work helps. On the upswing again. Last week was... I dunno, just sort of... bleah. But the weekend fixed that, even though it seemed to fly by.

And I realised the main character for one of my story ideas was really rather... shallow... for a main character. He's one-sided, and I didn't envision him having this huge change of heart... But even as I write this, ideas pop into my head. I'll think of something. Mostly, he doesn't have any backstory, yet. Yet. Came up with an interesting twist.... but...
On second thought, I think I set aside the story for too long, and lost a feel for his personality, and now I don't know what I want him to be. Is he shy, or sort of cocky? I don't think I he was that well concieved actually. *sigh*

Anyway... on to homework! We shall summon the armada, and take it by force! Charge!



woostering: (Default)

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