Ah. Hello. Nice to see the old journal again. I've been sorta busy for a number of reasons. New... thingy.
First: I graduated! WOOOOHOOOOO I'm done with highschool!!!!! It's all... over. Heck, I even gave a speech, which I'm told was really good. All I know is that everyone, even people I wouldn't expect, were complimenting me on it, I made two teachers incredibly happy for mentioning things from their classes (integrals and Thomas Jefferson) and I made my band teacher cry. It wasn't a long speech, and I began and ended with Tolkien. I'm going to miss highschool and all the friends I've made, and ESPECIALLY band. God, I miss band already. But it was fun, and now we can look to college. I also have an epically long summer because it was a catholic highschool and I'm going to Knox, which starts Labor Day weekend. No school until september! Time to read and write and draw and... yeah.
Second: In the midst of that and for the week after my time was eaten up by the wake and funeral and stuff for my aunt. So that wasn't so good. But she had cancer that came back, and... it was bad. I got to see her actually not long before she died and it was better for it to be sooner rather than later, with all the pain she was in. A lot of people were really supportive, but I think seeing her was harder than the funeral. A deathbed is harrowing, and I really don't want to see that again. She's off somewhere else though, somewhere better, and I'll miss her. But she above all love having fun, and it's hard for be to be sad for too long about a life so fully lived.
Third: My scout trip to Yellowstone is coming up is a little over a week. Should be lots of fun... if a bit crowded at times. But I've known the other girls in my troop for a long time, and I know it will be epic. It'll be just about two weeks.
Fourth: ... Urgh. I'm supposed to be working on my Gold award. ideally it would have been done, like, a month ago, but I put it down in light of school craziness and stuff. Right now the target is to have it done by the 18th, because that's when we leave and then I could take it with me. But... god. When I think about it I get this empty pit in my stomach. I don't want to do it. I simply don't. I have no motivation. The noodle has been overcooked, it's almost mush. It's like... I can't help myself, like some sort of deep instinctual terror at actually getting down and doing this thing. Some part of my brain won't budge, and I can't seem to get anything done, and I don't want to and I don't care. I'm not sure I ever did. But I have at least one parent absolutely hounding me about it, and I don't know how to explain this mental block. I know, I do feel guilty that I'm practically running away from something I probably can accomplish, but the only reason I continue to feel that is because it keeps getting brought up. Otherwise I would move on and be happy. But no, it's something I need to do. I don't want the blasted thing. I never really did. Augh.
Hm. Gotta go to the doctor tomorrow to get a checkup for the trip. Not-so-fun. Got a new retainer that fits, but gives me a lisp. Also am reading Alberta as 'Al-BEAR-ta' instead of 'Al-BER-ta'. God, I'm turning british.