woostering

I really do have the best of luck. Really. /sarcasm

So. In an attempt to branch out, and maybe be not completely out of shape, I decided to try something: fencing. Now, admitedly, I had two reasons to join fencing. One is that you get to stab people, which is always awesome, the second is that people I know who do it really like it (okay, so it is a the guy I like... but why should I let that stop me from doing cool things? Shush). This turned out to be a good thing because I actually really like it. I'm doing something that requires physical exertion wihch for me is pretty good for a change, and the other people on the team are awesome and for the most part nerdy as well. I have so much fun, and it actually makes me sad if I can't make a practice.

However, it also turned out to be a bad thing, because at practice four weeks ago, well... no one knows how, but I managed to dislocate my kneecap. Wtf. I mean, I have some idea of what happened. I was lunging, my ankle rolled and my upper leg was going straight down while my lower leg (this is my back leg, btw) was going sideways. I think to correct this my quad muscle spasmed (which is what the trainer said is often what causes the kneecap to be dislocted). What really confuses me is that I managed to fall on my right side (so the other side) facing the other direction. Which means mid-fall I managed to twist my body around completely. Anyway. I managed to probably scare and impress everyone, partly because despite the initial pain I wasn't crying (just swearing a ton, apparently. Mostly saying fuck). But thankfully we practice IN the athlectic building, so the trainer was right there. We got my leg straightened out and I limped home. I must say, everyone on the team was really nice to me and put up with my semi-delerious rambling and were practically jumping to help me stand up and hold my hand and stuff. This solidified my instinct that these people are made of awesome.

Now, I looked up some things about dislocated kneecaps. It is most common in teenagers (check), women (check), and people who are out of shape/overweight (also check), and you can also be genetically predisposed to it (again, check, thanks mom). So I shouldn't be surprised, really. Recovery is, on average, 6-8 weeks. It's not the sort of injury that can just get better. It takes a lot of time. The most annoying thing is stairs, because I have to take them one at a time, which is really slow and makes me feel obnoxious. I'm SO ready to walk up stairs normally and be able to run. Never have I thought I might say that. But you bend your knee doing and awful lot of things, and while you can certainly manage without, there's a lot you have to remember you CAN'T do. I'm almost at the point of being able to do stairs. My knee isn't quite strong enough yet. Ugh.

Despite this, I'm still going to fencing. I'm not actually fencing, of course (that right now is impossible, not to mention stupid), but I'm watching and learning and sometimes they make me judge. Judging is HARD. It requires as much if not more concentration as actually bouting. I just can't stop going, though. They're so fun :D And as one said, this freak injury will might make me the best judge EVER. Plus, now people can just call me Gimpy instead of Rebecca.

In other news, I went on a trip to the Art Institute in sweet home Chicago Tuesday. It was lots of fun even though I had to get up at seven in the morning and we got back around 11 at night. I think I may have actually walked through the entire second floor (which is where most of the famous paintings are).
In other other news, I made a pretty backgroud for Halloween for my laptop with Jeremy Brett when he played Dracula. I like real vampires.


Oh, college XD

Ah. Hello. Nice to see the old journal again. I've been sorta busy for a number of reasons. New... thingy.

First: I graduated! WOOOOHOOOOO I'm done with highschool!!!!! It's all... over. Heck, I even gave a speech, which I'm told was really good. All I know is that everyone, even people I wouldn't expect, were complimenting me on it, I made two teachers incredibly happy for mentioning things from their classes (integrals and Thomas Jefferson) and I made my band teacher cry. It wasn't a long speech, and I began and ended with Tolkien. I'm going to miss highschool and all the friends I've made, and ESPECIALLY band. God, I miss band already. But it was fun, and now we can look to college. I also have an epically long summer because it was a catholic highschool and I'm going to Knox, which starts Labor Day weekend. No school until september! Time to read and write and draw and... yeah.

Second: In the midst of that and for the week after my time was eaten up by the wake and funeral and stuff for my aunt. So that wasn't so good. But she had cancer that came back, and... it was bad. I got to see her actually not long before she died and it was better for it to be sooner rather than later, with all the pain she was in. A lot of people were really supportive, but I think seeing her was harder than the funeral. A deathbed is harrowing, and I really don't want to see that again. She's off somewhere else though, somewhere better, and I'll miss her. But she above all love having fun, and it's hard for be to be sad for too long about a life so fully lived.

Third: My scout trip to Yellowstone is coming up is a little over a week. Should be lots of fun... if a bit crowded at times. But I've known the other girls in my troop for a long time, and I know it will be epic. It'll be just about two weeks.

Fourth: ... Urgh. I'm supposed to be working on my Gold award. ideally it would have been done, like, a month ago, but I put it down in light of school craziness and stuff. Right now the target is to have it done by the 18th, because that's when we leave and then I could take it with me. But... god. When I think about it I get this empty pit in my stomach. I don't want to do it. I simply don't. I have no motivation. The noodle has been overcooked, it's almost mush. It's like... I can't help myself, like some sort of deep instinctual terror at actually getting down and doing this thing. Some part of my brain won't budge, and I can't seem to get anything done, and I don't want to and I don't care. I'm not sure I ever did. But I have at least one parent absolutely hounding me about it, and I don't know how to explain this mental block. I know, I do feel guilty that I'm practically running away from something I probably can accomplish, but the only reason I continue to feel that is because it keeps getting brought up. Otherwise I would move on and be happy. But no, it's something I need to do. I don't want the blasted thing. I never really did. Augh.


Hm. Gotta go to the doctor tomorrow to get a checkup for the trip. Not-so-fun. Got a new retainer that fits, but gives me a lisp. Also am reading Alberta as 'Al-BEAR-ta' instead of 'Al-BER-ta'. God, I'm turning british.

So I had I dream this morning that I was Bertie Wooster. I (he) was upset about something. I (he) was in the process of getting badly drunk when I woke up. O_o. I don't know. I really don't know. But I sorta want to write this now... All I know is that it was a really bad day for Bertie, possibly because one or both of his parents died, and that he went to the Drones before going out to drown his sorrows and there was something about Tuppy. What?

And I'm coming down with a cold. Which is giving me an excuse to drink copious amounts of tea. I like tea. However, it is also making me tired and worried about getting other people sick and stuff.

Stuff. I really don't want to do anything.
Erm.

Finished Native Son and started Heart of Darkness for english. HoD is short, at least. And we don't have to take notes, which I find MUCH easier. I didn't like Native Son much. Something about the style prevented me from getting into it. I suppose it doesn't help that I skipped about half of book two XD.

Aside from school, I got a kindle for Christmas. I think what's really cool is that the old stuff that's not really copyrighted anymore can be downloaded for a buck. So far I have a set of two Jeeves books and the complete works of Oscar Wilde on there. Maybe I'll download the entire Sherlock Holmes collection next :D. And can I say I LOVE Wodehouse? Because I do. He makes me laugh. And I'm not an expressive reader, but reading about Bertie I find myself giggling. A lot. I suppose that, combined with reading through the indeed_sir archives, may have contributed to the dream this morning...

Anyway. Debating whether to do my psychology journal or watch some Kingdom. Found the wonderful show on youtube and I think I'm in love.

Concentration FAIL. But hey, we got an extension on our Hamlet passage anaylisis. So I think I'm not gonna work on it today.

At least I can mostly concentrate on getting college stuff done. I managed to get everything to my college counselor that she needs and ask my teachers to write reccomendations. First deadline for Knox is Sunday O_o. Holy crap. College.

This weekend was busy. Saturday was the last football game, so it was senior day. I am done with marching FOREVER. NO MORE. Funny thought.
Sunday was a 5k run/walk that I had to help with for NHS. Got to stand on a corner. And then my dad made me walk back to school XD. It was a pretty walk, though.

Then Saturday is ZOMG HALLOWEEN. I IS EXCITED. I don't know exactly what I'm wearing yet. But I know I'm going trick or treating. Free candy ftw, yes? I love Halloween. (ALSO: it a saturday, and the end of daylight saving time so we get an EXTRA HOUR HELL YESS)

So yeah. I'm getting sadly tired of Hamlet. I like it, and some of it's really funny now, but I do NOT want to do this passage anaylisis. I don't care about the specifics. I don't think Shakespeare overanalyzed his own plays, and I don't want to either. *grumbles* I can't concentrate AT ALL or focus or anything. And I have crap to do. Hello, senioritis, get the hell away from me, yeah?

Anyway. Other than that things seem to be going pretty well with school and all. I think the only thing that isn't helping me concentrate is me succumbing to being a girl and really liking this one guy who graduated last year. I'm sorta torn between going stalkerish on him and just leaving him alone. But I think he owns significant stock in my brain. God, I'm hopeless XD At least we still talk sometimes and stuff. But I miss him...



On a completely side note, I saw a trailer for the UK release of the Imginarium of Doctor Parnassus. It's not fair that they get it. I want to see it too.
And on another side note, smokingguncafe updated Sunny Disposish. Yay! It's like Hallowen treat, but early!

So. This is really only going to be a bunch of random stuff.

First- I noticed yesterday that if I feel the need to be musical but don't really care how, I will immediately start singing "If I Were a Rich Man". Fiddler on the Roof ftw.

Second- I am feeling much better than the previous week. The various things that were pulling my mood down are settling and I seem to be back on the upswing, despite having to read Hamlet. This is a very good thing, as my bad mood was making me annoyed at myself for being in such a bad mood, making the bad mood worse.

Third- School continues to be mostly boring, but tolerable. Hamlet, of course, is not boring. My 'how-stuff-works' class, which I am in right now, is. It can be fun, but in between that it is somewhat dull. But hey, more time to waste in the internet. Band is fun, though  I seem to be channeling my section leader from last year in my somewhat sad music-reading ability. Will be doing marching today because there is a football game on friday. Debating whether to get my jacket for it or not, as...

Fourth- All of a sudden, it got chilly and windy. Like, really windy. The wind has been blowing constantly for a day and a half. Not that I mind because I'm not a summer heat person, but it's rather like someone flipped a switch. "Okay, let's make it fall now!" It's rained a bit, but mostly it's cloudy and crisp.

Fifth- Castle is back! Yay! And yay for girl scout cookies. I love this show :D

Because I wasn't listening. I have been very lazy and not been paying much attention or thinking properly lately. My focus seems to have largely vanished for nearly a week now. Like, right now, I'm supposed to be working on designing a dorm room for my learning by design class. (It's sorta like engineering, I guess).

My lack of an attention span has been annoying. I think it's slightly better now, but it doesn't change my annoyance at having lost it for so long. Eugh.

I think part of it is that I haven't been sleeping the best lately. I've had some really weird dreams, for me. Like my grandmother was in one. Or dreams where I'm tired and exasperated IN THE DREAM. This should be a signal to my brain that I am tired and need restful sleep... but no. Last night was better. I still had a dream, but I don't remember what it was at all, I just know it was a bit more normal.
I highly suspect something was in the house.

My house has a design quirk in that there really aren't hallways (which are supposed to attract stuff). There's sorta one entering the house from the front door, and one that consists really of two squares of space that connects the living room, the bathroom and my room, the kitchen, and the door to the basement. There's sort of on upstairs. But this half hallway is pretty much the center of the house , and it's one of those places where you often catch a sense of movement out of the corner of your eye. Sometimes whe I'm in my room I feel like something is watching me from that spot. Whatever it is, it's not a bad presence, but it's not real good either. I dunno. But over the last week I'm noticed that movement a LOT more.

My mom has also mentioned to me that she's had some really weird dreams too. So it's not just me.

Anyway. On top of that, or maybe because of of it, I've been thinking of other things too and been feeling very introspective and stuff. Like why I create so many internal issues for myself and why I have to be so shy all the time.
Yeah. Having no energy and them feeling melancholy on top of it? Not fun.

That being said, I think I'm on the upswing now. it just wasn't very pleasant and it made school, well... rather hard. Eh. I do not like work. I do NOT like calculus. I hate calculus. It does not compute. That is all.

But hey, yesterday wasn't.

Yesterday was my seventeenth birthday, which, compared to certain other landmarks far in the future is wildly insignificant, it is a birthday nonetheless.
My horoscope was incredibly good. Not that I'm inclined to believe the dinky newspaper horoscopes, but it's nice to see. My friend Hayley is still here and will be for another few days. I REALLY don't want her to go back to Vegas. Really, really don't. But sadly she has only the rest of this week here in Chicago. I owe her a lot- only yesterday, helping me put up streamers (why not?) that she informed me they taste very salty. This later resulted in an incident where I was laughing so hard I literally could not breathe. Well, actually it was more like I started laughing and then I didn't breathe back in. We were also vamped up on cake and soda.

I have actually gotten something done in that I completely redid my first chapter/intro to Stormballad. Somehow it is still very short, despite turning it all pretty, but at least it has some substance now. I think I found a style that's not overly flowery but finally get the description I want out of things. Thank you for writing smokingguncafe Sunny Disposish. That and I've taken to reading the first sentance or paragraph in all my favorite books to get a feel for that initial start for a story. Hopefully through the school year I can keep up marginally with Stormballad, in the sense that I won't have left it in a mental drawer.

I got my schedule (FINALLY) but two classes and my studies STILL aren't scheduled. Ugh. Something is taking painfully long st school this summer. Maybe because they, I believe, laid off a number of people and similar things.

So. I have a busy weekend ahead- my dad convinced me to go visit Beloit college saturday and I'm helping with a picninc sunday. Somewhere in there is a visit to my aunt's house. August 8th I'm taking some people to the bristol renaissance faire (and I found out a friend of mine has been meaning to go but never has. He was very excited when I mentioned it to him)... and then I think I have (eeeeeewww) band camp.

The days are long, but the weeks ahead look dreadfully short from here.

Because they are fun. Yes they are. Last band concert today. It'll be sad to think this is the last one for the seniors, 'cuz I actually know them this year. But yeah... We finally got the gong for Korean Variations. Is fun. Mr S was telling them to play louder and Sallie was like "Come on, I want to see my ancestors!" She and Diana were getting all excited, which is good, considering they were the ones who wanted to play the song in the first place. But we're playing that, The Blue and the Gray (civil war medley), On Wings Of Eagles (a march), and Sorcerers Apprentice.

Last saturday the band was in Cincinatti Ohio for Music in the Parks. That's pretty much the only thing in Cincinatti- Kings Island amusement park. But DAMN that trip was fun. Between Apples to Apples, Deal or No Deal, and other random stuff... it was hilarious. Yup.

And, I believe my school has set a record. A rather horrible record. See, thursday the juniors went to six flags for a physics field trip, because it was physics day. In the course of that thursday, friday, and saturday, two girls got expelled. For VERY stupid stuff. Nuff said about that though.

And, damn, the school year's almost over. My friend Reebie, who's half a year younger than me, brought it up. "Next year is your last year. You won't be there after that." Basically what she said. It makes me sad. Which reminds me I HAVE to work on my two gifts for my section leader/drum major and my band president. Like, RIGHT NOW, I need to work on them. I love those two. Both are amazing.

So. Best girl scout meeting EVAR. While discussing ways to improve the community (not to do anything. The activity was to think about it) we decided that an idea sometimes mentioned before in passing would actually be totally AWESOME and completely practical.

the Girl Scout Mafia.
Underground cookie network- part of which would be set up as a bail fund for one girl who said she would need it
Power in the neighborhood so we could get stuff done (like the improvments we had to talk about)
Influence over the kids- A Girl Scout feeder program!
And so on and so on.

We also realized that if the politicians were kicked out and our troop instituted in the White House, we could get a whole cra[load of stuff done  in, like, two days. Everything managed to relate back to the GS Mafia.

Today we had/have realy short classes to finish some stuf for our schedules fofr next year- senior year (HOLYCRAP). Tomorrow we get out at 11:30 or something because of some ACT thing (bleh) and a buch of people are coming to my house to work on a brit lit project, and then play Apples to Apples.

So yeah, got through two crazy weekends and things are pretty good now. Got an A on my paper (ZOMGYaY) and have a band concert next week.  RIght now I'm sitting in a desk waiting to be dismissed. We have to wait for everyone to be done, I think.

And I'm going to Duckon in June and thinking about putting some stuff in the art show. Yah. Is good. Now I shall go read Invisible Man for US History.