woostering

I really do have the best of luck. Really. /sarcasm

So. In an attempt to branch out, and maybe be not completely out of shape, I decided to try something: fencing. Now, admitedly, I had two reasons to join fencing. One is that you get to stab people, which is always awesome, the second is that people I know who do it really like it (okay, so it is a the guy I like... but why should I let that stop me from doing cool things? Shush). This turned out to be a good thing because I actually really like it. I'm doing something that requires physical exertion wihch for me is pretty good for a change, and the other people on the team are awesome and for the most part nerdy as well. I have so much fun, and it actually makes me sad if I can't make a practice.

However, it also turned out to be a bad thing, because at practice four weeks ago, well... no one knows how, but I managed to dislocate my kneecap. Wtf. I mean, I have some idea of what happened. I was lunging, my ankle rolled and my upper leg was going straight down while my lower leg (this is my back leg, btw) was going sideways. I think to correct this my quad muscle spasmed (which is what the trainer said is often what causes the kneecap to be dislocted). What really confuses me is that I managed to fall on my right side (so the other side) facing the other direction. Which means mid-fall I managed to twist my body around completely. Anyway. I managed to probably scare and impress everyone, partly because despite the initial pain I wasn't crying (just swearing a ton, apparently. Mostly saying fuck). But thankfully we practice IN the athlectic building, so the trainer was right there. We got my leg straightened out and I limped home. I must say, everyone on the team was really nice to me and put up with my semi-delerious rambling and were practically jumping to help me stand up and hold my hand and stuff. This solidified my instinct that these people are made of awesome.

Now, I looked up some things about dislocated kneecaps. It is most common in teenagers (check), women (check), and people who are out of shape/overweight (also check), and you can also be genetically predisposed to it (again, check, thanks mom). So I shouldn't be surprised, really. Recovery is, on average, 6-8 weeks. It's not the sort of injury that can just get better. It takes a lot of time. The most annoying thing is stairs, because I have to take them one at a time, which is really slow and makes me feel obnoxious. I'm SO ready to walk up stairs normally and be able to run. Never have I thought I might say that. But you bend your knee doing and awful lot of things, and while you can certainly manage without, there's a lot you have to remember you CAN'T do. I'm almost at the point of being able to do stairs. My knee isn't quite strong enough yet. Ugh.

Despite this, I'm still going to fencing. I'm not actually fencing, of course (that right now is impossible, not to mention stupid), but I'm watching and learning and sometimes they make me judge. Judging is HARD. It requires as much if not more concentration as actually bouting. I just can't stop going, though. They're so fun :D And as one said, this freak injury will might make me the best judge EVER. Plus, now people can just call me Gimpy instead of Rebecca.

In other news, I went on a trip to the Art Institute in sweet home Chicago Tuesday. It was lots of fun even though I had to get up at seven in the morning and we got back around 11 at night. I think I may have actually walked through the entire second floor (which is where most of the famous paintings are).
In other other news, I made a pretty backgroud for Halloween for my laptop with Jeremy Brett when he played Dracula. I like real vampires.


Oh, college XD

So. My emotions have been running rather haywire lately. A few days ago I went to a friend's house, to FINALLY drop off some thin mints he'd ordered MONTHS ago. Well, anyway. I finally got the nerve to say, 'hey, I have cookies for you. When can I drop them off. Sometime this week, preferably.' And it did require getting up some nerve, because I've liked the poor guy for, oh, nearly two years now. Being me, the withdrawn, socially awkward self, I never knew how to approach this and never said a word. After all, he's one of those insanely awesome people who everybody loves, and we were kinda friends, so I wasn't about to point out I liked him. And, when I realized I did, he had a girlfriend.

Anyway, now we cut to this summer. I had spent many nights of my senior year thinking about him and sorting out my feelings and berating myself for not knowing what to do. Or something like that. But thinking. My friend Hayley was here for a while. At the beginning of summer I had gone to Yellowstone. I found my glass pen and wanted to figure out how to use it. I got the brilliant idea to write a letter. Because, you see, after all this thinking I realized (rather early on, actually) that I valued his friendship immensely, and I wanted that as much as anything else. But, seeing as college was fast approaching, I figured I could tell him I liked him. I had hardly talked to him over senior year, as he's a year older than me and he was busy with college (pre-med, dontcha know. /bragging). I thought, I'd give him the cookies, leave some letter in there and then I could leave that behind and look to college. If he wanted to talk to me he could. If he wanted to ignore me he could do that too, because, hello, college. If that's not a distraction then I don't know what is.

After some more thinking (i'm cutting out all the thinking. I can't remember what i though when anyway), I wrote out the letter. Damn thing was a full two pages long. I told him I liked him, but also that I really wanted to be friends. After all, with college, being anything more than friends is tempting fate and kind of silly. Okay, I didn't SAY that, but it was hopefully implied. But... I'm beginning to think I may not have implied it well enough. I'm freaking out right now that I completely screwed this up.

I was just going to drop off the cookies, fairly quick, nothing special. I was there for, like, an hour. We had tea. Good tea. I found out figured out how interested he is in astrology. His mom came in at some point and we all talked for a while, all nice and perfect. Once I relaxed a bit, I realized I was possibly the most comfortable there in a house I'd never been in before I'd ever been around other people. I wasn't worried about saying something stupid like I normally am around him. No, I wasn't providing scintillating conversation, but I was talking. And I left that damned letter.

I've realized that I don't care how much I like him. I don't care whether or not he likes me. I want to be friends with him. I could care less whether he likes me as more than a friend. We think in similar ways. What more could I ask for? I then realized that maybe I just wanted someone who I knew would understand me, someone I could call up and just talk to for a bit. And I think I might have scared him off. Or something. I don't know. I haven't talked to him since. But he gave me a hug when I got there, and he gave me one as I left, and it was the most comforting thing in the world. I just want a hug, dammit XD. Oh. I just want to be able to keep getting hugs from him, y'know? Alright, I shouldn't say 'y'know', but... Ah. Nevermind.

I fear I might have been a bit... not forceful, but overdramatic in that stupid letter. Not calm and, oh-by-the-way-I-like-you-can't-help-it-you're-fucking-amazing, but more -oh-I'm-pining-for-you-and-will-always-be. She-ite. And I thought about taking the letter out, too. But I thought to myself, no, I'm gonna leave it in. I bothered to write it out, and all fancy, and dammit I'm gonna tell him. I won't have to see him again. I'll be fine.

Oh, no, I'm not fine, Rebecca you genius. You fool. You think too much and worry too much and YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IF HE READ IT WHY ARE YOU FREAKING OUT. Ahahahaha god. I have no social skills. I am HOPELESS LOL. I'm swearing an awful lot in my head. I may have ruined a perfect friendship. I may have done nothing. I just may have screwed up a really awesome friendship because I selfishly needed to expose feelings no longer relevant. I NEED T GET A GRIP, yeah? Yeah.


Oh, college in... three days? Leaving friday because move-in is saturday and Galesburg is too far to drive to that morning. I have until we leave friday evening to finish my gold project. Gorram. Or something. Trolling Tumblr for Jeremy Brett instead of sleeping. Because I feel alright then. I cannot express how much I'm in love with this man. Well, how much I love looking at him and listening to him and watching what he's done, because he's done it beautifully.



AHAHA and what happens after i post this? He asks for my college adress so he can write back :D Oh, why do I worry about these things? Silly Rebecca is silly.

Lesse. Concert went well, yesyes. And we're playing Korean Variations for graduation. Of course, now I have to figure out how to play the first part for Bacchus, which is the recessional. *does not like playing by herself*

Visited illinois Weslyean yesterday. Nice place, I liked it. Dunno if I like it more than Knox or not. The two have some similarities, but very different feels. Of course, part of that was probably that Weslyean is in their May Term so a lot of people were doing off campus stuff. But the best way I can describe it is that Knox has a more adventurous, energetic feel whereas Weslyean has more of a home-y feel to it. Not to say it's any less exciting, but it feels liek the place wants to give you a hug while Knox is more grabbing your hand and running (in a friendly sort of way). KNox has a specifically creative writing major, while Weslyean just has english with a focus on writing. I like both places, though.
The though of college is exciting and sorta scary at the same time. I mean, highschool will be over, which is both a good and bad thing. None of my friends are looking at the colleges I am, which is good and bad. So, like my preferance for Knox vs Weslyean, it could swing either way.

But enough of that. Today some of my mom's friends that I know really well are coming over to watch some movies, so I'll be doing that with them. Will be fun.


( Massive edit/additions with... the Mad Hatter! )