woostering

It occurs to me that I haven't posted anything for a while. It also occurs to me that I don't really do anything with my lj (other than stalk people, I mean) and that I don't really know why I feel the need to keep up a journal. Meh.

I'm getting ready to go to college. Buying decent clothes and things like an electric kettle so i can have TEA. Yup. Oh, and a laptop. But I've had it a while now. I'm mostly intrigued by college and the whole new experience stuff that goes with it. The rest of my feelings about it involved trepidation and nervousness, as I am shy and worry about how well I'll open up to people, and wondering what my roommate will be like. As I'm an only child, living permanently with another person will be new. I'm told I get along with other people well, and I must admit in highschool I fell into a group of friends fairly fast despite my utter lack of social skills.

My summer has been rather... haphazard? First there was the trip with my scout troop to Yellowstone, and then there was a period of quiet, and then my best friend Hayley came in from Nevada. She stayed with us for about a week, and she hopes to be back in what will be only a few days now. Of course, the first night she stayed at my house we got a horrid storm and the basement flooded (only a little, but a box of plaster ceramic molds got wet and they spent three days on the kitchen table drying). But I hope she can spend some more time here, because I love her to death. And, like I said, in this interim I've been slowly aquireing stuff for college. I have seen some people, actually, over the summer, which is not as common an occurence as it should be.

I have also completely screwed my sleeping schedule, which involves me staying up well into the morning. Urgh. I really don't need to be up so late/early. I mean, it's already 12:30. Damn you, internet, for existing. A side effect of this is that I have been thinking a lot (and burning my brain instead of catching up on reading all the books I want to read before school. I have until Labor Day weekend). Yet... right now I don't really know if anything I have to say is really worth putting down here. A second possible side effect is the fact that I've been having some really strange dreams. Like messed-up weird kind of strange. Unfortunately I've had so many I don't really remember any. But suffice it to say they were... I don't even know.

Heading up to the Ren Faire again sunday. Was shopping for aforementioned college stuff, stopped at Borders and, among other things, picked up the movie soundtrack for My Fair Lady. Which I love, even though Jeremy Brett's voice was dubbed. Anyway. I love the songs, no matter who sang them. Have been possibly and then not really been falling into further Holmes and Watson depravity, as well as having rediscovered King of Shadows Queen of Light, a fanfic for Neverwinter Nights 2. I do love that particular one, though that's really the only fanfic for that game I read. Re-finding the story also propmted me to play the game again, starting from scratch (again. Really, I need to cure my addiction of restarting games before I finish). Lesse. Alright, I've done some things. Went to seem the variety show for the RESCU foundation, which basically provides help to people like those who work at the Ren Faire and, being basically self-employed, have no insurance. The show was wonderful and hilarious and Hayley and I FREAKING LOVED IT. that is all. Fun times.

You know what? I need something to talk about. Other than my uninteresting life. Cheers.

No, here, have some love.

Ah. Hello. Nice to see the old journal again. I've been sorta busy for a number of reasons. New... thingy.

First: I graduated! WOOOOHOOOOO I'm done with highschool!!!!! It's all... over. Heck, I even gave a speech, which I'm told was really good. All I know is that everyone, even people I wouldn't expect, were complimenting me on it, I made two teachers incredibly happy for mentioning things from their classes (integrals and Thomas Jefferson) and I made my band teacher cry. It wasn't a long speech, and I began and ended with Tolkien. I'm going to miss highschool and all the friends I've made, and ESPECIALLY band. God, I miss band already. But it was fun, and now we can look to college. I also have an epically long summer because it was a catholic highschool and I'm going to Knox, which starts Labor Day weekend. No school until september! Time to read and write and draw and... yeah.

Second: In the midst of that and for the week after my time was eaten up by the wake and funeral and stuff for my aunt. So that wasn't so good. But she had cancer that came back, and... it was bad. I got to see her actually not long before she died and it was better for it to be sooner rather than later, with all the pain she was in. A lot of people were really supportive, but I think seeing her was harder than the funeral. A deathbed is harrowing, and I really don't want to see that again. She's off somewhere else though, somewhere better, and I'll miss her. But she above all love having fun, and it's hard for be to be sad for too long about a life so fully lived.

Third: My scout trip to Yellowstone is coming up is a little over a week. Should be lots of fun... if a bit crowded at times. But I've known the other girls in my troop for a long time, and I know it will be epic. It'll be just about two weeks.

Fourth: ... Urgh. I'm supposed to be working on my Gold award. ideally it would have been done, like, a month ago, but I put it down in light of school craziness and stuff. Right now the target is to have it done by the 18th, because that's when we leave and then I could take it with me. But... god. When I think about it I get this empty pit in my stomach. I don't want to do it. I simply don't. I have no motivation. The noodle has been overcooked, it's almost mush. It's like... I can't help myself, like some sort of deep instinctual terror at actually getting down and doing this thing. Some part of my brain won't budge, and I can't seem to get anything done, and I don't want to and I don't care. I'm not sure I ever did. But I have at least one parent absolutely hounding me about it, and I don't know how to explain this mental block. I know, I do feel guilty that I'm practically running away from something I probably can accomplish, but the only reason I continue to feel that is because it keeps getting brought up. Otherwise I would move on and be happy. But no, it's something I need to do. I don't want the blasted thing. I never really did. Augh.


Hm. Gotta go to the doctor tomorrow to get a checkup for the trip. Not-so-fun. Got a new retainer that fits, but gives me a lisp. Also am reading Alberta as 'Al-BEAR-ta' instead of 'Al-BER-ta'. God, I'm turning british.